posted by Shelley
After reading my friend’s BLOG post about funny stuff from work, it got me thinking about some of the funny things I’ve had happen and have heard on the school bus throughout the past several years. It’s true that you never know what kids will say …or what they will do when not under the watchful eye of a parent. Wanna hear a few?
A tearful little girl got on my bus one Monday morning. Sobbing, she told me that her Father had not returned home after a family argument over the weekend. I told her I was sorry to hear about it, and assured her that everything would work out for the best. She said, “My Daddy’s belly was full of beer and my Mommy was mad as Hell.”
I once had a child bring a knife on the bus for “protection”. The student was in the 1st grade! I took possession of the knife, gave it to the Elementary Principal with an explanation and he called the parent. The Mother told the Principal that she gave her son the knife and it could simply be sent back home with the child’s older brother (a 3rd grader). The knife reappeared on the bus that afternoon in the hands of the older brother. Der! Well, it gets better…
When I stopped to drop the children off that evening at home, the Mother was waiting. She wanted to know how her child was to protect himself when he wasn’t allowed to carry a knife on the bus. I honestly didn’t know what to say and while carefully choosing the right words, she exclaimed, “Someone pooped in his backpack on the bus!” I sternly looked at the 1st grader and asked how in the world someone could poop in his backpack on the bus without him knowing who did it. Within 2 seconds he blurted out that he pooped in his own backpack at school, didn’t know what he was going to do with it and made up the bus story. I admit…it was a good one.
Once a little boy called my name over and over until I looked at him through my rear view mirror. Here’s how it went:
Him: Miss Shelley, my roach got loose on the bus.
Me: Your what got loose on the bus?
Him: My roach. I put James in my backpack but he’s gone now.
Me: Your roach named James is loose on the bus?
Him: Yah, but we got plenty more of them at home. I’ll get a new friend tomorrow.
Several years ago a family who lived on my route had a pet goat. The goat would follow the 3 children to the end of the drive as they waited for the bus. I couldn’t tell you how many times we had to wait while one of the girls wrestled Norma Jean off.
I’ve had spilled fish, snakes in potato sacks, hamsters (one of which got away and I found 2 months later) and numerous other critters aboard. I’ve had to shut the door on an angry parent who blocked the bus in on a public road and I’ve cleaned up more bubble gum and melted suckers than any human should be required to scrape-up in a lifetime. I’ve had my bus smeared on the outside with Elmer’s Glue and I’ve had buggers flicked at me on more than one occasion. I’ve been rewarded with pickled eggs and some kind of quivering meat that was still warm (not from cooking mind you – from butchering!) and cookies that had been smooshed by feet other than my own.
I could go on forever with similar stories of funny things that have happened on the bus over the past years…but I could also go on just as long about many of my students who I’ve bought a winter coat because they didn’t own one. And I could tell you about the children that are put out in the rain to wait for me without a coat or hat; and about the ones that never, ever get their face washed or hair combed. I could even tell you what a school bus smells like in mid-August when it’s 98 degrees and the one child behind you hasn’t had a bath for who knows how long. But hey – that’s another BLOG post for another day.