My smokeless Ninja Foodi grill smokes. Not always — but if you do brats be forewarned. I know this will likely happen because me and Johnsonville filled the entire house with a stinky haze last night.
But that wasn’t even the worst part of my bad cooking experience…
Just as I plate the 5 brats and spin around to get them on the table so I can tend to the smoke issue, Merida decides to lie down at my feet. She loves me so much that she sticks to me like a big glue ball about 80% of the time.
All in slow motion, I know I’m going down. I twisted as I fell so I wouldn’t land on my pupper. I felt my feet lift in an arch above my back before I landed mostly on my elbow and skidded to a stop on my torso. All the while, I kept that plate in the air! I most definitely stuck a perfect 10 dismount.
But then, two of the brats rolled off the plate.
Neither Merida nor Dharma dared grab one — Merida had already disappeared. She tucked her tail and walked sheepishly away once she heard me yell, “SHEEEIT!” during my graceful acrobatic maneuver. I adhered to the 5-second rule and picked them up, wiped them off and disguised them with the other 3. That way, I had the same percentage of probability as Perry of getting one that had been on the floor.
And if that wasn’t enough excitement for my evening, Merida stole a peanut butter cracker meant for Dharma that contained her pill. This pill, Proin, is used to treat spay incontinence in dogs. It’s now banned for human use (remember the diet pill Fen-Phen?) and even canine use may cause hyperactivity. Like Merida isn’t already hyper enough?
It’s now after 2:00 AM and she’s going strong. I’m fading fast and can only hope she doesn’t open a drawer and get another pair of $20 socks to eat while I sleep.