posted by Shelley
You may solely be responsible for a child who starves in Africa! Don’t believe it? You should…
My Mom always used the line about starving kids to try and make my brother and I eat stuff we thought was better left for the dog. I don’t remember that it ever worked, but it’s something that stuck in my head through all these years. How does that relate to the title of this post, ‘They Want 100 Miles?” Don’t let me lose you…keep reading.
Those starving kids rely on donations of food that we won’t eat (to hear my Mother tell it), and I’ve found that one person or a single experience can burn others to the point they don’t want to do anything for nothing, or give anything away for free ever again. You give some people an inch and they want 100 miles!
You’ve figured out by now that I’ve had an unpleasant experience, and all I will share is that it involved being asked to lend assistance to a very worthwhile organization. I can think of a million things that could’ve went differently that would’ve prevented this sour taste in my mouth — and resulted in a much better outcome for those who could really use the assistance, but I’m going to touch on just two.
If you ask someone for assistance and they agree to help, treat it like a gift.
You wouldn’t (and absolutely shouldn’t) receive a gift and immediately say, “Thank you. Can I have another?” That’s rude. While it doesn’t hurt to make a request if you’ve not already been given limitations, please don’t cross the line once the boundaries for the offering have been drawn. That’s rude too.
Let the person who is offering you the gift give it to you in the manner THEY choose.
If your best friend bought you a new car and said you needed to ride with them to pick it up, would you say, “No, I prefer that you pick up the new car and park it in my driveway”? Of course you wouldn’t. Some would…here’s how it went:
Me: My schedule doesn’t permit another phone conversation this week. Please email me an outline of your expectations, and then I’ll let you know what I can offer in the way of help.
What I Wanted to Say: I’ve spoken with you on the phone once already. You didn’t follow my instructions and called back. I told you I would honor your request, but I don’t have time to be your marketing director. Don’t sit around all day and think up what others can do for you and waste their time talking about it over and over on the phone. And don’t expect me to drive 100 miles to talk some more. Just tell me what I can do and let me DO IT!
Them: No, I don’t think email correspondence is practical.
Now seriously — do I care what they think? It’s what I wanted — and I’m offering my time for a service they need and requested! It’s no longer one mile…it’s 97 miles to go and “talk” about what I can give them. So now, I wish that I’d have never offered my help in the first place! It’s costing me more and more time (which is money) just to jump through hoops that I wouldn’t have in front of me if I would’ve just said, “NO!”
In protest, I left my uneaten veggies on the plate tonight. I don’t care if I ever do anything for free or give anything away ever again — and why? Because one person that should’ve been more considerate simply wasn’t. They should’ve listened. They should’ve treated my offering as a gift, and let me give it in the manner that was easiest for me.
Here’s hoping that you’ve never been the catalyst for someone else like me to stop wanting to help others that actually are deserving. After all, there are still starving children in Africa.