Every parent has a different view on how to discipline their children. I made a ton of mistakes with Ben and can think of a bajillion things I would do differently if I could have a do-over. But I don’t think I was crazy strict — nor did I allow a child to control me or our home. As a young mother, I spanked hands when they reached for things that would hurt them — and I spanked legs when the mouth said things it shouldn’t, or the brain refused to follow the rules. Never did I curse AT my child, or discipline in anger. In my house, the worry about what was going to happen was much worse than what really did. If I got a do-over, I wouldn’t change that. I wouldn’t change it because it’s what worked at the time.
I was an adult before I put it all together that my Dad never once even spanked me! He loved to lecture, and shame us into ‘being good’. That works for discipline too — ask me. Dad would gather Scott and I around the table when we did something wrong, talk about walking uphill to school in the snow wearing his older brother’s shoes that didn’t fit (there were 13 siblings — the younger you were and the lower on the pecking order, the more hand-me-downs you claimed and the fewer new items you got), and being happy to get only an orange at Christmas. I would cry and promise to never do whatever horrible thing I did again. Ever. Scott was older and wiser and not so easily manipulated. Dad spanked him. My parents did what worked.
I don’t claim to know the “right” answer insofar as HOW to discipline children, but I do believe they NEED discipline. I think moderation is key… but no one can agree on what ‘moderate’ is. I think another problem (a mistake I definitely made!), is we want better for our children than we had. Of course, each generation has to give more, do more and BE more just to provide “better than I had” for their kids.
For Coco… I wish just “as good as I had”… healthy, happy, blessed with everything I needed, and some of what I wanted. As for Ben? Even with all my mistakes, I’m proud of the outcome. =)
